MC1

I was hoping you could help me out with a serious problem I’m having. I live in NY State, and I am engaged to a man WHO IS separated from his ex for about five years. When he decided it was time to start divorce proceedings, he hired a lawyer. His lawyer went to the courthouse to get a copy of the separation agreement only to find out that it had never actually been filed with the Court, although both my fiancé and his ex had lawyers at the time. So, our lawyer decided he would base the divorce on abandonment, which was acceptable for both parties. So, here’s the kicker. My fiancé (Jim) and his ex have two children together. Jim pays $126.32/wk in child support out of a $300/wk income as so ordered by the family court judge, so obviously money is tight in our home. Anyway, when Jim’s lawyer contacted his ex about the divorce, she wrote him an e-mail stating that she would only sign the papers if he agreed to the following terms.. 1) He must take out at least a $100,000 per kid life insurance policy on himself making his kids sole beneficiaries. 2) He must pay for half of the medical care, dental care, etc. until they are 21 or have completed college. 3) He must pay for half of all the kids’ extracurricular activities. Including books, sports equipment, tennis lessons, piano lessons, swimming lessons, summer camp, dance lessons, etc. 4) He must pay for half of the kids’ college tuition and any bills they may incur for college. Right now, the kids are covered by CDPHP for their doctors’ bills and such and will be covered by Jim’s employment’s insurance should he have that available in the future. Jim pays for the kids to play little league and soccer and the things kids do around here. We live in a small town in upstate NY and make modest incomes, but Jim’s ex is living a dream. She complains about money problems but puts the kids in piano and karate lessons, which they don’t even like, just to keep up with the Jones’. We could only imagine, if Jim is forced to pay half of these things, she would be enrolling the kids in everything she could find. As far as paying the college goes. There is no doubt that Jim will help his kids in any way he can to put them through college if he has the resources to do it, but it sounds unreasonable to ask him to pay half the expenses. With all the legal aid and such out there, he doesn’t feel he should be written into something like that. And there is no way that on Jim’s salary he can afford two life insurance policies. Jim is an only child who takes care of his father, who uses a wheelchair for $300 a week and $126.32 comes out of that every week. He just can’t afford any of this. So, it seems that neither Jim nor his ex is willing to budge on this matter. She is a very spiteful woman, and there is no way she will change her mind about this. We are about ready to cut our losses and see if we can get back any of our money from the lawyer. But what I want to know is how long this can go on. Can she just hold out on these demands and never sign the divorce papers? Will Jim have to give in and let her have what she just wants to get this divorce finalized? Is there ever going to be a point where a judge says “enough is enough” and grants my fiance a reasonable divorce? I’m sorry this letter turned out to be so long, but I just don’t know where else to turn. Jim’s lawyer doesn’t specialize in divorce, and he isn’t much help on this matter. I would appreciate it if you could please give me some advice. Thank you so much.

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My husband had an affair in 2005 a month after my dad passed away. He lived with me but continued to be with this girl he works with, until Sept 4, 2005, and then left me and moved in with “the girlfriend.” We are not legally separated, and he only pays me 502.00 every paycheck (per his lawyer) for child support. He has not paid anything for the mortgage or a loan that is in both of our names. I am falling farther and farther behind in these payments. Is he responsible for paying for them since he abandoned our 2 sons and me? If so, how do I go about it? I feel my lawyer is not working for me and am in pursuit of another. My husband is a big control freak, and for doing what he did, I feel everything is going his way. HELP!

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My friend was married in Florida in 2003. She left her husband (cruel & inhuman treatment; verbal & mental abuse) and came back to NYC in 2005. He still resides in Florida. She now wants to file for divorce, can she do so from NYC?? And will there be a problem since she technically abandoned him? Is he entitled to alimony? Is she entitled to alimony? She does not work and receives a government check for disability. We would appreciate any help. Thanks!!

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I live in upstate New York. We have been married for 8 yrs. We have a prenuptial, I think, is invalid. I had no attorney and was presented the papers ten days before our marriage and never even saw an attorney. There has been documented domestic violence. My husband bought the land with an old house on it before we married. We knocked down the old house after we were married and built a new house for which we have no mortgage. I have paid all the household maintenance bills and contributed to the raw material of the new house. I have recently been put out of work on social security Disability never to go back to work, he made 138,000 last years but said I am entitled to nothing. We have no children together. Please advise.

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We both got married in New York, and now he has moved to Florida. We have been married for 11years and separated for 8yrs (not legally) I would like to file for a divorce, but the only thing he has suggested is an uncontested divorce. Still, at this time, I know he is hiding a lot and doesn’t want me to know anything, as he keeps on pressuring me to sign papers, but don’t want me to read anything which I have refused. He is a lawyer, but at this time, I don’t know if he is practicing in Florida.
My question: I would also like to file for alimony support, but how do I go about doing that as at this time I need some financial help to support myself and be able to go back to school to help me better. I don’t have any money, only bills, and can barely keep my head afloat. Is this something I can do myself, but how does he get served since he lives in Florida, and how do I find out about what he is doing as the man is very secretive and has mentioned that he will not give me anything. Please Advise.

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I live in Long Island and have been married for 20 years. My marriage hasn’t been easy through the whole marriage. I have two children who live with us, one is underage, and the other one is 19. I have questions on how to start this process. I can say that I’m nervous about it because I might be left with nothing. He has kicked me out of the house every time we argue, but many of my friends tell me he can’t do that. He makes good money, the house is under his name, and he pays the mortgage. He has mentioned that the house is under the kids, including my stepson. I am on Social Security Disability for about five months. Can he throw me out of the house? Will my younger child receive any money? He said I would not see a penny, meaning any alimony. I just want to leave this house and find an apartment for my kids and me, but I don’t have the money for it. If he sells the house, will I get anything? I have no money saved because he has told me I have to pay the gas, light, car insurance, and the phone bill, which hardly leaves me with anything. What are my rights? How can I start in finding out about starting a divorce process? I am afraid because he has told me I would not receive a penny from him. Please tell me what I can do?

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I am a disabled woman. My husband abandoned me over two years ago. He is living with another woman. He does not give me any financial support in two years. What are my legal rights?

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My husband I live in New York State, Rochester area, we got married in 2003. He left me and moved in with someone else in 2007. We had talked about reconciliation for about two months after he left. Our sexual relationship has never stopped, and I’m not sure if that changes anything? We have not been legally separated and claimed joint taxes for 2007 and separate for 2008. We have not decided how to file for this year yet. I love him and don’t want to divorce, but he says now that reconciliation is not possible, and I want him to be happy, so I have no choice for the divorce; do I??. He recently told me that he filed for divorce, citing cruel treatment (or something like that). My question is, how do I have the reason for divorce changed? He was having an affair and abandoned me, and then he files that I was cruel!!! He said that was the best choice out of what they gave him.

I am currently unemployed and have no money to file my papers. I have tried to find the free forms he says that he used, but he says he doesn’t know where he got them. The girl he left me for is a paralegal, and I think she is the one helping him, though he says they hardly talk anymore. He got his own apartment last year and is working full time. He helps me when I need it, and I help him with what I can. He says that he will always be there for me if I need anything, but how do I protect myself? We have no children and no property. We do have life insurance for him in which I am the beneficiary, and I pay the monthly bill for it. He has told me to keep it. He does help me pay bills on occasion if I inform him that I haven’t been able to pay something. I’m not sure what to do and what the filing terms he used means for me in the future. Should I ask for alimony in the event he’s not planning to continue to help me as he says? How do I do this so that we can continue to be friends like we want? We both say that we love each other and will always be there, but if he gets back together with the girl I know that she’ll make him stop helping me and talking to me, that’s why the broke up because of his continued contact with me, at least that’s what he says. I am not sure what to believe anymore and don’t want to end up worse than I am now. Any help would be much appreciated!

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My question concerns spousal support and division of property. My husband and I have been married for 26 years, live in an affluent community in Westchester County, NY, and we have two children in college. He has had over 20 affairs during this time (I stopped counting) and has been a self-employed attorney & an adjunct business law college professor for 15 years, making approximately 20k annually. He brought student loans with him to the marriage. I got a farm that I had inherited through the death of both of my parents. For the past four years, I am a 50% partner in a successful business and am about to open a new corporation shortly, and have worked our entire marriage. Five years ago, I learned of $250k of credit card debt that he had accumulated in cards with my name on the account, had not paid income taxes (though he told me he did it), and had many delinquent bills. (He insisted that I just sign over my paychecks, and he would take care of the expenses), and so I had to refinance our mortgage, increasing the loan to pay off the cc debt, and the mortgage had to be put in my name only, though he is still on the deed. At that time, I made him close all the cc accounts and opened my separate bank account. Since then, I pay all the household expenses, including all the children’s’ expenses & spending money, college tuitions, mortgage, insurances, utilities, food, travel, etc.….also I have started filing “married filing separate” tax return this year. I have reached the end, and think I would be much happier if I were not in this marriage (this is not because of anyone else, I have never committed adultery), and my children are at an age that they can understand this splitting. But, how likely is it that I will be sucked dry of all that I have worked so hard for (I am 52 yrs. old)? Will I have to give up my house, my company, pay him spousal support, etc.… because he prefers not to work to his ability, likes to stay home, sleep late, etc.? Am I better off just continuing to pay for everything now, and hope that I will outlive him?

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I live in upstate NY. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and are currently having problems, but not planning on Legally Separating or Divorcing yet. This is due to the fact he is going on a temporary assignment for one year in Hong Kong. Part of our problems is that he is having an affair. Amazingly enough, I feel that it is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is the 19 yr. old he has decided to financially support without my knowing it for 3-4 months and eventually discovering he had been doing it since May of this year 2011, and that he is still doing it. Since May, he has given and spent at least $15,000.00 to $20,000.00 on the 19 yr. old. Most of it from a line of credit and the rest in cash. He had a joint checking account with her and, most recently, has co-signed on a car loan with her. Under two occasions recently, the Credit Union we bank at has taken money out of our joint account because she did not make the payments. My husband has done all of this behind my back. We are extremely financially strapped. And because of this, he has put us more in debt. I have had to sell jewelry and scrounge for soda cans to sometimes buy groceries for us, and that includes our 12 yr. old daughter. My husband makes a good salary – $120,00.00 a year, but we are in deep trouble. He says he is going to continue to help the 19 yr financially. old even when he is in Hong Kong. He will be in Hong Kong from December 2011 – December 2012. His paycheck has always been deposited into our joint account. For 17 years, I have always had access to it (deposited money, transferred money, withdrawn money, kept track of bills being paid,etc…). I learned about him financially supporting the 19 yr. old by checking our accounts. Now because I do that and question him on what he is doing, he has decided to shut me out. So here is my question, questions. What are my rights? Can he cut me off from seeing, knowing how much money is there every two weeks and accessing it? Right now, I have to trust him and wait for him to give me money. I hope you can help me with this. The answer I seem to get is to start either Legal Separation or Divorce Proceedings. Because he is leaving in two weeks, there isn’t time, and we were waiting till he came back. You ask why – I have a lot of medical problems, one of which is Parkinson’s. We need to make sure we do the right thing to make sure I have GOOD medical coverage.

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