Question #112

I have been married almost ten years-4/20/04. If I get a legal separation, can I also stay on the medical insurance. He is a Suffolk County police officer- the insurance for me and the two kids is free- no out-of-pocket expenses. Also, he is an extreme drinker and has some police reports filed on him for abuse to me only -the abuse (all of them has been since a month after we married. I have always kept a diary and can list all the times, which he has often been involved in his behavior. To top this, he has many girlfriends. One, after two years of coming here breaking in, ramming garage doors and getting my husband loaded work gun and holding James & I hostage, etc. His boss finally kept coming here and finally talked me into an order of protection -in which she violates here and there- but its much better.
My husband still meets her. He goes to all her court dates and has a tattoo on his arm of her name for about two years now. I live in fear from him every day do not have any access to money. While it’s pretty horrid, he does not hurt the kids. He ignores them; always did. Their ages are 5,7 they do not like him and are telling me not to let him in the home and want a new nice dad, well he does make $102,000 a year. Still, he fails to give us money, and I mention he goes missing for days, sometimes weeks, etc. with no way to contact him -my mom lives downstairs and thank god for her she doesn’t make much with social security but can help sometimes. I have recently had to go to a church for food. It was embarrassing he keeps his paycheck cash in his wallet; there is no money anywhere in accounts. He pays bills sometimes, but the house went into foreclosure twice. My friend gave me the money to save my youngest child will be going to school soon he forbids me to work all these years, and have to produce receipts when he gives me food money to check to make sure I never get change back and to see and criticize what food I bought.
My friends help to get me hand- me- downs for me and the kids and even bought them new jackets for the winter when they came here (which is only allowable when James is working). He does not know we are not allowed to have anyone over to visit- anyway I cried when I got the jackets- our home is falling apart it was a foreclosure when we got it and needs lots of work which he does not want to or have any repairs, so it is not worth much. But he always on vacations himself, out at bars all of the time, sporting events, rock concerts, etc.. and the cable shut off again. Phone disconnected again because he so late paying or for lack of not paying them, etc.. what would be the best thing to do –also he does want a divorce or separation -that he is handling everything etc-but he does not. I need help-also he has a son who is 12 from a previous girlfriend he never sees him last time maybe three years ago my kids and I would get and see him 100x more than James-the child support is 700.00 a month which is garnished from his paycheck. I sure this would have some bearing on kids and me. I live in New York State. Could you tell me how much I would receive in child support thank you- sorry it is so long, but I guess you would need to know basic of components thank you, please write back.

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Question #113

Married 1971,children now 24,28.I started divorce 1993, husband unstable, Children and self left the house for safety in 1994, Trial by jury in 1996 contested by my husband. I lost. So I am married to someone who would hurt me if he could find me. I have been in hiding since Trial. Children are now grown, on their own. My husband bought another house in upstate NY about three years ago. He had been living in our house that we bought in 1976, which is now paid for up until this summer, while he has been visiting the other house on weekends. He now lives upstate and plans on renting our house. Questions: does he have the right to rent without my permission? I was in a bad accident in March of 2003. I’ve had seven operations since; the last was a spinal fusion leaving me out of work. I do collect social security disability. I haven’t asked him for any support or help of any kind. However, if he is not going to live in the house, I might. Should I get a restraining order to prevent him from renting? Should I break into my house (he changed the locks in 1996) and change the locks myself and start living there? I need to know what to do because once someone is in the house, it will be impossible. Help me, please.

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